A young boy had open heart surgery to correct a congenital defect. The surgery went well, but it was a tough experience. He believed that boys should never cry so he buttoned up and made believe it never happened. Years later, being in his cardiologist’s office, triggered his early cardiac experience. His heart rate soared to 150 beats per minute. It was clear that on the outside he was fine but on the inside was suffering from PTSD. His healing journey started while subsequently volunteering at a local prison. There he observed the inmates receiving care for their trauma related symptoms. The men were learning to breathe and sit in the fire, meaning talking about tough stuff in a safe place. These tough guys had suffered abusive childhoods and were learning self-regulation skills. There was no judgment. Observing these techniques, he then practiced them with a healthy lifestyle. Upon returning to his cardiologist’s office, his heart rate was a healthy 75 beats per minute. This man, who realized he needed coping skills to deal with PTSD, was Randall Bell, now a PhD in the social sciences. He has written a book entitled, Post Traumatic Thriving.

 

Dr. Bell’s story points to the problem of boys and men not wanting to appear weak or vulnerable. They have received the traditional societal message masculine roles are provider, protector, and procreator. Achievement means they must espouse the values of stoicism, unemotionality and strength, meanwhile, researchers in medicine, psychology and social sciences have deemed, anything less is pathology. It’s easy to see that pathologizing makes it very uncomfortable for men to pursue care. It is now suggested that changing to a resilience/thriving model will encourage many more boys and men to reach out for help.

 

Male celebrities are now speaking out about breaking the stigma around discussing depression, anxiety, trauma and therapy.  Ryan Reynolds, actor, is talking about having anxiety his whole life. He now manages it instead of self-medication, with mindfulness techniques, consistent exercise, and open communication with his partner. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, wrestler/actor after experiencing depression emphasizes that you are not alone and seeking help is crucial, stating,“having the courage to talk to someone is your superpower.” And, Michael Phelps, Olympic swimmer talks about struggling with severe anxiety and suicidal depression. He notes, “therapy helped me learn to manage my emotions” “therapy was a lifesaving experience that allowed me to move from not wanting to be alive to thriving.”

 

A recent article published in the Journal Stress and Health reviewed research on thriving. The authors report that thriving is a broader term than resilience (which is only bouncing back to previous functioning levels). Thriving refers to both psychological and physical well-being and also includes the positive changes a person makes leading to even higher levels of functioning over time.   

 

No matter where you start, speaking out and seeking help are signs of strength. There are many evidenced-based mind-body therapies from which to choose. From a thriving perspective, there is Heart Rate Variability Biofeedback Therapy (HRV-B),  Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Mindfulness, Yoga, Hypnotherapy and Counseling. All promote emotional regulation and coping strategies toward thriving. As Justin Bieber, singer, shared after dealing with burn-out and deep-rooted issues, “it is cool to have a healthy mind and emotions.” 

 

If you decide to prioritize thriving in your life, please reach out to someone. If you would like information or to begin any of the above therapies, please call my office to talk about moving toward thriving in a warm, inviting, private office setting.